That’s the truth.
There is no sugar coating it.
I’m not going to tell you that I’m so thankful and I’ve learned so much from the experience. No, that’s not what this is about. The cold hard fact is that Crohn’s sucks and everyone with IBD has to live with this disease their whole life. There are no “I’ll just eat this and I’ll be fine.”
Crohn’s is a lesson that is always teaching.
Now I don’t particularly enjoy writing about Crohn’s, and here’s why.
I have had Crohn’s for about 4 years and I have had lots of time to think about my situation throughout the years. My condition is not as severe as others and I am extremely thankful for that. I have been blessed with the fact that Crohn’s does not overpower my life.
But it’s still there. Crohn’s sucks.
Day to day, I live with my condition, most of the time forgetting that it exists. I am on the Specific Carbohydrate Diet, which means that I don’t eat any gluten, grains, sugar or any preservatives. I also can’t eat anything that turns into sugar, like potatoes or rice. I have been eating the way I have for the last three years. The diet is hard and frustrating some times, but overall I deal with it.
Why Crohn’s Embarrasses Me
Sitting at my computer, writing about Crohn’s, I remember all of the hardship that this disease has caused me and all of the sadness I felt the first couple of years.
I am faced with the confusion and disappointment of not being able to eat the foods I loved, and being separated from my friends in a way I never conceived of before. For example, I have to bring my own lunch to school. At first thought, who would think that this would make someone sad?
But for me, it has always been an example of how Crohn’s has embarrassed me.
With all of my friends and classmates eating their hot dogs and hamburgers, and me with my potentially smelly salmon, it has always made me feel badly about my diet. Although no one makes fun of me because of it, it always makes me feel alienated. Still to this day.
And that is why I do not want to write about Crohn’s.
It brings back the terrible memories of when I first started this journey.
I remember my first colonoscopy. Although a very safe procedure, I felt nervous and afraid. Well, being a 10 year old, most would be. I remember feeling scared and anxious walking into the cold, sterile procedure room. As much as my parents explained what would happen (step by step), it was still terrifying. I woke up groggy, nauseous and crampy. I’ve already had three additional colonoscopies since then. I’ve had to accept that this is just part of my life going forward.
I don’t notice my condition anymore, because thankfully I am in remission and most of my symptoms have dissipated, but thinking about it always brings back these stressful, sad feelings. Although I don’t enjoy writing about Crohn’s, I will continue to do so, because hopefully these blogs and my insights will help raise awareness for other kids who have IBD and we can help each other.
So, until my next blog…
P.S. Crohn’s sucks